what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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