I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
