Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
