I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
