You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
