Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
