I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
