Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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