Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
