I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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