I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
