she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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