I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
