One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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