Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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