My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
