i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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