just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
