haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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