The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
