when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
