anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
