we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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