Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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