My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
