i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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