She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
