I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
