the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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