Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
