We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was confusing and full of hummus
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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