thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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