So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm bleeding and have questions
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