I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
