I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
ok first of all what the fuck
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
