That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
