i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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