Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
