Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Semen is not good for contacts.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You ruined the universe
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
