Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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