You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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