Someone shit on the floor
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
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My legs feel like baby dolphins
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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