My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
