We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
