just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
