Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
