Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I am spending my child support on dildos
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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