Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
