It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
