I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
