Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
