i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
