I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
