FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
