I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
