he thought i was a dude.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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