Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
