My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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