i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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