I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
