Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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