I wish life had little blips of pornography
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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