I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
