cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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