walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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