Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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