i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
