My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
