but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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