Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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