It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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