Don't make out with my wife yet
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
