just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
